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Boot licker

Someone who seeks favor or goodwill in a servile, degraded way; toady

Examples 

Now he brings an increasingly obnoxious entourage of bootlickers with him every day.

…sounds either terminally delusional or like a mortifying bootlicker.

Pond life 

Stupid or despicable people

Examples 

He called them pond life for their rude behavior.

This sort of pond life…

Joy to the world 

Good news, a red-letter day

Example

Omg joy to the world if it was true!!! 

Blind bit of 

The smallest or any amount of something (Usually used in negative constructions)

Examples 

It doesn’t make a blind bit of difference to me whether you do it now or this weekend—just get it done! 

It won’t make any blind bit of difference 

Take the heat off (of)

To alleviate the pressure placed on someone or something

Examples

Making it easier to reach big cities would take the heat off housing markets in many parts of the country, meaning fewer people are forced out, and those who want to live further from the office can get in quickly.

This … lark is all set up to take the heat off of…

Shambles 

a state of total disorder; shit

Examples 

“my career was in a shambles”

The economy was in a shambles”

No one in their right mind would vote that shambles…

Laugh one’s socks off 

To laugh very hard

Example

Oh, I’m laughing my actual socks off…

Split one’s sides with laughter or laughing 

Fig. to laugh so hard that one’s sides almost split. (Always an exaggeration)

Examples 

Just split my sides laughing 

The members of the audience almost split their sides with laughter